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Sir Three joins the knights of the Broadband Table to slay the Openreach dragon

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In a kingdom not so far away there lived an evil dragon by the name of Openreach, which was the sworn enemy of Britannia’s internet.

The knights of the Broadband Table, Earl Sky, Lord TalkTalk and Baron Vodafone had fought the evil Openreach dragon for eons as they believed the dragon, driven by its master Gavin Hasslehoff, was hoarding the fabled riches of high-speed broadband and thus starving the rest of Britannia of Netflix boxsets at Merlin-speed.

Until recently the knights fought the dragon alone, but now Sir Three has bravely brought his sword to the table, claiming to represent nearly half of Britannia’s mobile data traffic. The citizens of the kingdom of Three are said to dine on 5.4GB of data each month in the year of 18 AG (‘After Google’ or 2016), compared to 2GB in 15 AG.

“We have always focussed on providing the best mobile data experience and we are passionate about ensuring everyone has access to a high quality internet connection,” proclaimed David Dyson, Chief Squire of Sir Three. “Ofcom should play a crucial role in ensuring UK consumers fully benefit from the digital revolution yet Ofcom has allowed BT to accumulate close to 50% of the airwaves that are key to the mobile internet as well as dominating the fixed broadband market.

“For over a decade, Ofcom has failed to introduce a fair system for customers to switch their number and the UK not only lags behind Europe but the rest of the world to the detriment of UK consumers. Consumers want genuine choice and it is vital they make this clear to Ofcom, so it can make bold decisions on issues like Openreach, spectrum and switching in the face of huge pressure from big incumbents to keep the status quo.”

Virgin Media TweetWhile Sir Three has joined forces with The Knights of the Broadband Table, The Red Knight of Virgin has backed the claim of the kingdom of BT and its protection of the Openreach dragon.  The Red Knight believes separating the two forces would lead to under-investment in the magical gateway that is internet infrastructure, and the citizens of Britannia would further suffer at the hands of the buffering troll. Some have said The Red Knight of Virgin supported the kingdom of BT as it has its own smaller dragon and understands how expensive they can be to feed.

The Knights of the Broadband Table have called upon the peoples of the kingdom of Britannia to attest to the sins of the evil Openreach dragon, by praying to the godly spirits of Ofcom. The Ofcom spirits have previously declared the evil Openreach dragon can continue to live in the kingdom of BT, but must create a new noble family to oversee matters of wholesale and the equal delivery of high-speed broadband throughout Britannia. The ruling from the gods seemingly angered The Knights of the Broadband Table who have sworn to continue the fight until the end of days.


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