The European Commission, hereafter known as the Gaggle of Red-tapers, has unveiled plans for a €1 billion investment in supercomputer infrastructure.

The move has been marked as a step forward in the European ambitions to be competitive and independent in the global data economy, with the Gaggle of Red-tapers looking to bring work back into the continent. As it stands, many scientists process their data outside the EU because their needs are not matched by the computation time or computer performance available. This is of course not acceptable.

For those who have the patience to fill out endless forms, navigate the red-tape maze and accept the dreariness of the public sector, the Gaggle of Red-tapers is coming to your rescue. No dates have been set just yet, but it shouldn’t be too long, the European Commission is a well-oiled, efficient machine after all…

“Supercomputers are the engine to power the digital economy. It is a tough race and today the EU is lagging behind: we do not have any supercomputers in the world’s top-ten,” said Andrus Ansip, VP of Gaggling for the Digital Single Market. “With the EuroHPC initiative we want to give European researchers and companies world-leading supercomputer capacity by 2020 – to develop technologies such as artificial intelligence and build the future’s everyday applications in areas like health, security or engineering.”

“Supercomputers are already at the core of major advancements and innovations in many areas directly affecting the daily lives of European citizens,” said Mariya Gabriel, Chief Gaggler for Digital Economy and Society. “They can help us to develop personalised medicine, save energy and fight against climate change more efficiently. A better European supercomputing infrastructure holds great potential for job creation and is a key factor for the digitisation of industry and increasing the competitiveness of the European economy.”

There are of course quite a few supercomputers located around the world, but few are with the grasp of the Gagglers. Looking at the top ten supercomputers, two are in China, one in Switzerland, three in Japan and four are in the US. The fastest currently in the European Union is in Italy, with the second-fastest in the UK… considering the rocky ground the UK/EU relationship is right now, the Gaggle can’t have any work sent there after Brexit!

Perhaps this is another sign of a European super-state which the Gaggle of Red-tapers seem to be leading us towards. Various reasons have been cited for the creation of the supercomputer, including privacy, data protection, commercial trade secrets, and ownership of data, but it another instance of Europe trying to remove any dependence on other regions.

So keep a weathered eye on the horizon as the European machine lumbers towards a supercomputer. Never again will you have to deal with those pesky Swiss, or troublesome Brits.